In order to be the wife that your husband (or be the husband that your wife) needs to be….. You carry the hat of being a help-meet. You can do that in many ways. These ways include offering emotional support, picking them up when life brings them down, cheer them on in messy times, ride beside them and especially nurture them spiritually through prayer and encouragement. This is part of how you submit to your husband/wife. It is a choice that you make. You provide and trust in faith. You remember that you both are on the same team, no matter what season of life you are in together.
You can be holy and affectionate at the same time with your spouse. I love being affectionate. Touch is a strong love language of mine. We show affection with kisses, hugs, holding hands, massages, cuddles and sex. We do try to make sex a priority but we go with the flow these days now. I don’t push on it and neither does he. We’re in the season of parenting young children. I am a stay home mom and my husband works shift work with assembling cars at Toyota. Any physical touch is fantastic. I welcome any of it. Physical touch reminds lovers that they are loved, reinforces security in a marriage, gives energy. We are to never forget that our bodies belong to each other. I love that I belong to my husband… all of me. My heart, soul, my mind and my body. I do cherish this physical aspect of our relationship more. I don’t take it for granted (like I did in the past years). Touch can speak words just like pictures can tell a story.
“Sex for the sake of having sex isn’t the same as making love with your husband. When a husband and wife make love, they are engaged in the moment. They tune out the world around them and tune in to each other.” (Schacht, 132).
I totally agree with Darlene’s statement in Messy Beautiful Love. I find that is very true in my case with my husband. I feel more love pouring together when we are very much wrapped up in enjoying each other in the case of making love. I gaze into my husband eyes during this special time. Our hearts are very open. Intimacy is very stronger. It’s more this case when we have happy days. Which is pretty regular now.
“Sex aside here, regardless of how busy you are or how exhausted you might be, don’t stop holding, hugging and kissing your spouse. ” (Schacht, 134).
I do cherish any physical touch even if we don’t make love today. I love just our cuddles when we’re settled in our bed for the night, or holding hands with my husband on the couch. I definitely love our kisses whenever possible. Kisses doesn’t always lead to sex but that’s okay. I’m just happy whatever my husband can be affectionate towards me. I do appreciate that he provides for our family.
Unexpected affectionateness can be awesome too. They can be the most memorable. I remember the first time we kissed. We weren’t even dating yet but it was the start of our friendship blooming into something more. My husband will tell you, I shocked him. We were walking downtown with friends. I decided to make the move by holding his hands. He wanted to do that but was afraid to do that. So looking back then, it was probably Spirit guiding me into this. Then before we knew it, we were at the park… and likely, it was Spirit leading this next move together, romance in the air. We leaned in for a kiss. IT was the most world stopping one. It felt like hours went by when it was only 15 mins. It was crazily amazing. The most memorable one in my life. The same magic was there when we first had sex together. Just that beautiful feeling. It might have been amazing if we waited for our wedding day to kiss or have sex but I couldn’t wait that long. Honestly, we dated for 5 years before we tied the knot.
Now with kids in the picture, we don’t have the ability to explore each other a lot that deep often but I’m always willing to try. However, I love when my husband gives me a surprise hug or kiss or even tickles to get me to laugh. I know that my smile and laugh can bring warmth to him and energizes him to display physical affections to me. I try to stop what I am doing to plant a hug, kiss, etc. to my husband when he is home.
I definitely pray over this area in our marriage… that we continue to show love/affection physically to each other regularly. Keep the spark going along with emotionally, mentally and spiritually as well. I absolutely hate whenever we are distant with/ towards each other. Especially when we were in our messiest time in our marriage April 2013. Tough two weeks. No love, emotion, true affection. My husband was cold. Even with sex. He wasn’t there and neither was I. Never again. I vow to be faithful, trust, honor, respect, love my husband for all of the days of my life in both good and bad times. We have a lot more good times together now though and I am so grateful!