Soccer Mom Again

I’ve been a soccer mom since 2015.   This is the 3rd year that Logan and Austin are playing soccer.  Jackson is starting his first year this year.   Logan and Austin are on the same team this year, U8.   They play Tues and Thurs nights.  I love their coaches.  Very involved and very directive.   Jackson plays Saturday mornings.  He’s doing okay.  It’s the first year so I don’t expect a whole lot out of him but I know that as I’ve learned with my older two, they get better as time goes on.   This is a good thing. This keeps my boys busy two evenings and one morning for a hour.  Totally better than nothing.  I love how my husband is able to attend more games/practices this year as he has booked all of his vacations in the summer.  He just had his first week off last week.  And 3 more in July and 2 more in August.  Jackson ends his soccer season early near the end of July while the older two play for two more weeks or so.  I look forward to seeing how the boys progress this year during the soccer season.    Let’s go Team Silver!!  Jerseys 4, 5, and 11.

Here’s some pictures I took at the start of the season!

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11 Years Married (16 years of love)

My husband and I reached our anniversary this past Saturday May 27th.  We celebrated 11 years married (16 years of love).   If you’ve noticed from past blogs that May 27th has always been our date for everything from dating, to engagement and to wedding.   So the timeline has always been the same.   We dated for 5 years before we tied the knot.

Anyway, we reached a huge milestone last year for our 10 years and we celebrated in a huge way by going on a week long trip to Cancun, Mexico which was absolutely amazing. 

Obviously because we’re parents to three boys and live on basically one income (my husband), we couldn’t splurge on another big week long trip alone out of the country.  We actually decided to just keep our anniversary kind of low key as I had another event to attend to the next day.  So we spent the day with the kids and then we got a babysitter for a couple hours so at least we were alone for dinner.  We went to Milestones (which we have gone several times in the past as well). 

My husband being the romantic guy I know and love surprised me with 2 dozen roses of pink and white (the extra is actually to make up for my upcoming birthday as we’ll be away as a family), a huge stuffed giraffe which I’ve named as April (it does have hearts on it!) and little praying bear.   And honestly the biggest anniversary gift is a new car which we’ll be getting soon as the one that we’ve had since Logan’s arrival back in 2009 is pretty much done now.  8 years. 

I celebrate my husband every day.  I unwrap him and our marriage every day.  I love the fact that he is mine and I am his.  I love that we’re still fighting for our marriage.  That we are still incredibly in love with each other.  I am still amazed by him and I know he is with me too.   We do little things for each other day by day, even ordinary stuff but helps make things easier for the other person.  We want our marriage to be a model for our children, as we would love for them to choose love when the time is right.  I want them to have our marriage.  They know how much mommy and daddy love each other.   I can’t wait to celebrate 100 years more with my husband  🙂  We’re very blessed by the Lord in our marriage and with each other!

Anyway, here’s a pic from our anniversary 🙂

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Pressing Pause VI

Here I am with more thoughts from the current kindle book  I’ve been reading which is Pressing Pause by Karen Ehman and Ruth Schwenk. 

I want to share a verse from the bible that was mentioned in the book:

Godliness with contentment is great gain by 1 Timothy 6:6.

True comparison of yourself to other is usually after a heart of fear or pride.  God does not like comparison.  Pride is a sin.  God tells  us that we are worthy.  We are wonderfully made by Him.   We are to look to Jesus and seek rest knowing that we are His.   Jesus is our husband.

We are to draw out every day chaos to find peace, calm and quiet in order to rest with God and hear what He has to share and to walk in His ways.

God is our security.  He has given us peace in the present and the courage to be fearless to face our future.

It is stressed that we are to share Jesus more than we share ourselves in this life.  Home is where Jesus stands at the center full of meaningful relationships, intentional love, Christ-like guidance and heartfelt joy.

As Christians, we are entitled to pray to have a continued and blessed relationship with the Lord.   Our lives are to be a place where we invite true friendships full of love, acceptance, treasure and full of life.

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Mother’s Day 2017

Mother’s Day weekend was absolutely amazing.   Jackson started soccer on Saturday morning.  Then we took off to Peace Park downtown to take pictures of me and the boys with my camera (my husband being the photographer) and actually the boys did well for the most part.  So I was happy about that.  Then we spent the rest of the day at Spring Stone with my family (my parents, my brothers and SILS). I got to have quite a bit of nephew time with Cesare so that was a bonus 🙂 My family also gave Jackson his birthday present early. Relaxed in the evening with the hubby with some photo editing too 🙂

Sunday morning being the actual MD… I chose to sleep in so we skipped church naturally.  But it was a great sleep.  And I had breakfast and then eventually opened gifts from my husband and the boys.  Beautiful red roses with white lilies. I absolutely love it.  They also gifted me with a 3 heart necklace that has the boys names engraved on it and their birthstones.  So pretty.  Logan made a framed picture of himself with magnets.  So it’s on the fridge and of course a card as well.  Austin did a flower pen in a mini pot of seeds and a card.  So sweet. Then we went off to take more pictures (again with the husband being the photographer) at Waterworks in St. Thomas.  I thought the boys didn’t do that well but we actually ended up with some decent pictures so I was okay with it.   And spent the rest of the afternoon/evening at my in-laws.   They also celebrated Jackson’s birthday early as well.  And relaxed in the evening with the hubby along with photo editing too.

I really do appreciate the life I lead being a mom.  I am so thankful of my boys and my husband that helped create a beautiful family of my own with God doing his magic of course!  I wouldn’t trade being a mom for anything else!  They have made me where I am today as a person full of love in Jesus!

Here are some pictures from the weekend 🙂 Enjoy ❤

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First Communion=Logan

Last Saturday,  Logan who is our oldest son at 8 years old had his first communion at our church at the 5pm mass.  It was beautiful. He did great.  We got to come up with him to witness him taking the Eucharist for the first time.   He looked so handsome in his new suit with a purple shirt. I know white is usually traditional but our priest was little more relaxed and said the kids could wear their Sunday best.  Logan wasn’t the only  one in color. There were a couple other kids.

The priest that did Logan’s 1st communion is also the same one that did mine many moons ago. So that was pretty special I would say!  🙂

We had invited my family including my parents and my brothers and their ladies.  We also included my in-laws and GG.   I also made sure to include Logan’s godparents (who were present at his baptism 8 years ago as well).  So I was thrilled they all came!

We had a party at our place afterwards.  We had cake and food and drinks and Logan opened his biblical gifts.  Logan of course got money which will be saved in his account as well.   My husband was beautiful.  He read the boys the beginning story in the bible that night and Sunday night. and I have continued on from Monday night.  Logan had gotten a Children’s bible so the stories are easier to understand for the boys.

Here’s a picture of our family with Logan and our priest.  Logan’s got quite the pose eh? 🙂

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Presing Pause V

So I return to you with more  timbits from the kindle book that I’ve been reading from which is Pressing Pause written by Karen Ehman and Ruth Schwenk

These ladies share and remind us that God’s most mightiest and powerful act is when He raised Jesus from the dead so that we could have a way to get to Heaven to live with Him forever.

It is stressed that we are to look into our hearts and remove pride from our eyes.  Pride is sin.  We are to walk humbly with one another and extend grace.   We are to keep our eyes on the Lord.  We should give our hearts some spring cleaning too, not just with our house, and that means to remove anything that is sinful like envy, jealousy, hatred, discontentment, impatience, unkindness, or revenge.

God is using the waiting to do something in  us before we can do something for Him. Karen and Ruth remind us that God’s timing is always perfect.  So while it may be hard to wait, it will be worth it. 

Our home is perfect because there is life inside of it that has joy, love, struggles, prayers and good and the bad.   It’s perfect home to serve to the Lord.   We are to live for Him and with Him.   It took me a while to be content with our home.  The original plan was to move within 5  years but here we are still here, almost 9 years later (in August). I love where we are geographically.  I have no need to upgrade.  We have enough room for everybody and we have our beautiful and messy life together as parents and as a couple. I love that we’ve raised our three boys and dealt with the struggles of losing Noah and Savannah and other things.  I love that our home is shared with our marriage.  It’s beautiful with our presence in it.  We have made so many memories.  That I told treasure to.

We have to share and feel church services in everywhere we go on a daily basis to share love at first sight and forgetting at first slight.   Everything we do to be done in love.

We are to abide more deeply with the Lord every day to stay strong and able to give in life.  Our hearts ponder the precious times with our kids where we treasure and store our life memories. I am amazed how amazing my boys are growing up and I smile because It is God that is shaping them as men that they are called to become with our help as parents.   Yesterday, I didn’t document but it was really sweet to see for an example, my son Austin doing the prayers of the rosary after school.  It was like wow.   I didn’t expect that but he did it anyway.  These boys can surprise me.  It’s like God has blessed us because we have been pointing them to the Lord.

More timbits to come from the book soon! xo

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Being Real

I am being real right now.  I feel just low.  I know that I am worthy and loved by God.  I know that I am not alone.  But this is what I feel.  So much  happens behind the scenes here in social media.  Behind closed doors.  I cried myself to sleep. Like what happened here? I know I am blessed with so much and I try to focus on the positive things every day because I know having negativity in you is toxic. And that’s what I feel right now. Toxic.  I was on Facebook last night and I saw a photo shoot picture of a friend of mine and her child while I loved the picture.  It wasn’t me who shot the picture.  IT was someone else and I was immediately jealous.  I was like why I am not a better photographer.  I rely too much with/to Pinterest.  I don’t feel like I don’t have enough natural creativity in my own eyes and mind.  I struggle with it.  I feel like I don’t have the eye for it like I used to, in my high school days when I first had love of photography.  But I know that I’m not other photographers. I am my own photographer.  It’s not the camera.  It’s how I shoot behind the camera. So after that pretty much a can of worms opened. 

Like I feel insecure still down there.  TMI my husband went down on me last night.   Now, I love oral sex from him but I know he doesn’t love to do it and the remark I found out from our early dating days of how I smelled down there has always still stuck with me.  Sometimes I ignore it and I forget about it and I’m fine.  But  I always feel like do I still smell like that? I know vaginas have their own smell, but like I mean, do I feel like I’m clean enough there.  I know I’m not all fruity there.  So I still feel hard to like enjoy it completely when he does do it.  So and then while I had been doing so well abstaining from masturbation/pornography for quite a while,  I fell back into it on Monday night because I had the urges and my husband wasn’t home.   Night shifts are tough when he’s not here. I’m still upset that I watched it and masturbated Monday night and then had sex last night.  The struggle is real.   

And then I still have hang ups about sex sometimes.  I watched FSOG 2  (FS Darker) last night and I still wonder how our sex is still vanilla sometimes. Like  we still have sex in our bedroom like 95% of the time and he doesn’t tease me or give me enough foreplay before we have sex. I still crave to be adventurous sometimes and I know my husband is who he is.  I can’t force or change him.  I still struggle with his sex drive sometimes.  But I keep reminding myself that I’m still thankful that he still wants to have sex with me when he does get in the mood and the intimacy that we get to have as a married couple.  I feel like the best sex we have is usually when we’re away on trips (alone or as a family) because there’s no worries from work and other things.

Then I felt like I have no spark this year with creativity.  I have no desire to be on the ball for everything like gifts and special occasions.  And it’s not’ because I don’t want to. It just isn’t there this year.  And I hate that.  Because I want everybody to feel love in whatever I gift them for their birthdays and other special occasions.

I believe there are other things are attacking me right now. I know that is Satan’s work. And I’m trying to allow God’s magic to work in me. To work my way up again and be strong and keep finding real joy in my mind, body and heart.

And I struggle with my identity in Christ. I know He is continually working in me.  There are todays like today where I feel like a failure. I’m low. I’m just in my dark world.  I’m still there for my kids and friends.  So on the outside I look like I am fine when I am really not.  I just feel  like I am not enough for myself. I have to be amazing.  But I know I don’t have to be.   I just have to be what Christ wants me to be and I know that is a work in a progress for my life. I do have so much to be thankful and I really do.  I need to encourage myself to work with my heart.  And to be the encourager that I need to be for myself and for other people.  I want to be the person that is happy with who she is and what she has in her life. 

I am thankful I have people to wake up for on a daily basis.  My husband. My kids.  My family. My friends. God.  I need to be here as long God needs me to be here.

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