This part was watched a while back at the church during the mom’s group session back in December. Just getting around to writing down what was learned in the Beloved video on Total Gift of Self.
Marriage is about dying to self. The self-giving love is God’s ideal for marriage. When you marry, you choose your spouse over yourself. It isn’t about you anymore.
The commitment virtues in marriage are as follows:
- generosity, patience, courage and humility
- total acceptance of the other person including their flaws and weaknesses
I definitely married my husband for who he is including his faults too. I knew he wasn’t perfect but I still loved him and in love with him and I still wanted him for the rest of my life. We definitely have learned a lot about how to treat each other in our marriage over the years especially within the last four years because God has shaped us so much more. We’ve learned to be more generous with each other, have more patience in listening and compromising, being more courageous with each other in prayer and talking, and just being more humble with each other.
Sex is the most intimate expression of self-giving. God’s plan for marriage and sex about the true union of husband and wife to become one flesh. I totally believe that. Sex is the one of the best ways to be close to your spouse in all areas.
God’s plan for sex is the true gift of self through physically, emotionally and spiritually, being faithful to marital vows which are free, total, faithful and fruitful and being more focused on the other person. Sex is about deep unity and Deeping unity procreative.
Ways that hinge sex completely to your spouse is through contraception, cohabiting and pornography.
Now, we have done all that. I was on the pill and the shot before I was married. We have used condoms. Since 2011, I have been contraceptive free. I have not used any hormones. I let my body do what it is supposed to do. And I wasn’t done TTC at the time. Last time we used condoms was in 2013 when my husband had just did his V and we wanted to make sure we were safe while we were waiting that he was in the clear. and the last 4 years, it’s been all natural and we aren’t having anymore babies. That was our choice and I believed I was just meant to be a mom of 3 boys even though we had 2 other angel babies. The church believes the only way to be in a season of TTC or not is through NFP, which is Natural Family Planning. That takes a lot of work too and knowing your wife’s cycle. It’s not 100% proof either. The cycle changes every month and God will choose to open your womb anytime he believes it’s time even if you weren’t planning on it.
We cohabited before we were married as well. I felt like I wanted to get to know my husband more before we were married. I already knew he was the one regardless, but I wanted to know how it was like to live with him and then there was less surprises in after we were married. But we were already sexually active before we cohabited too. I did not cohabit with anyone else before my husband and same with my husband, he had not lived with anyone else.
Both my husband and I have unfortunately dived in pornography in the past for many reasons. But it is wrong and we don’t do that anymore. Our bodies aren’t for us. Our bodies are God’s. We have to honor it and he only wants us to share it with each other, not with anything else. Pornography objectifies men and women as sexual objects and looks at love and marriage and pleasure the wrong way. It takes a lot of work to rewire your brain and your heart to look at your spouse and your marriage the way God wants you to do and it takes a lot of help on God’s part too. A lot of commitment, prayer, communication, encouragement and more. I love and respect my husband so much more now. I see him more as a son of Christ too. I have to be devoted to him completely as I am to God too.