Here’s my continued notes from the current book I’ve been reading on my Kindle, Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas.
In Chapter 10, Christian Marriage is all about learning to fall forward and that results in maturity. We can control the way we fall towards or away from or spouse. The right way is toward to our spouse is part of being Christian and it’s duty. Christian love entails aggressive moment, active commitment and we choose where to place our affections. Intimate relationships are a result of planning and it is built. If you stop moving toward, it means you stop loving your spouse and it holds back the purpose of marriage. We did stop moving toward each other on and off for a long time and now we don’t do that. We keep moving towards each other day in and day out now. We communicate and actively commit to each other daily.
Spirituality is more difficult for men in general than it is for women because men are less communicative and it receives more damage if you remain silent. Interdependence for men is a bitter pill to swallow because it’s a sign of weakness. Society has portrayed men to be strong and independent. But in a marriage, you need to be able to depend on your spouse too. Men need to be indicators of love towards others like your wife, friends, family, and co-workers. this is how God calls you to be shaped into his very image.
The call to fall forward is indicating intimacy. Marriage is a gift of self well beyond sexual fidelity which is a positive virtue. It is an agreement to grow together, and to share a unique and rare bond.
Communication is the blood of marriage that carries the vital oxygen into the heart of our romance. It includes verbally and physically. Physically is the act of touching which can be both sexual and non-sexual. Husband and wives who communicate more result in greater intimacy. Two important ways to give ourselves to each other. We’ve learned to communicate better for sure in our marriage now than we did when we started dating.
Fellowship is a spiritual discipline as Christians. There is no running from conflict, making compromises, and accepting others. This works well both in the church at in the home. Conflict is an avenue for spiritual growth. You learn to be more engaged, quiet/listen and understand. It is a direct influence on our relationship with God. Compromise is where two become one, value relationship more than rights preferences and wishes, and is the cement of fellowship. Acceptance and loyalty is to love the person. Forgiveness is one of the most difficult spiritual discipliner of all. We all sin. In forgiveness, we learn to live by extending grace and forgiveness to those have sinned against us, including your spouse. We understand them and this is self-defense from resentment. We definitely work harder at this now than when we were first married. We learn how to do this the way God wants us to if we want our marriage to keep thriving and become stronger and beautiful.
Chapter 11 talks about a servant heart in marriage. Servant as a Christian is a duty to put others above ourselves. This is a call for both husband and wives. In Ephesians 5:25 where it says to love your wife as Christ loved the Church. You are to give up your life for her. This is about family, duty, responsibility and home.
To fully sanctify marital relationship, we are to live it together as Jesus loved his life in discipline and daily service. Spiritual beauty of sexuality is service, lovingly meeting the physical desire and needs of one mate The true nature of our spiritual character is best demonstrated through sex. Absolutely, I agree. It is how marriage should be. Sex seemed like it was the best way for my husband to show his love for me. It is now beyond the physical aspect, it’s now more spiritual as well 🙂
Chapter 12 is about sex, sexuality and how it is serviced in the marriage. Sex is the mirror of our desire and passion for God. It is used to serve our spouse. Our restlessness for sexual pleasure is our restlessness for God. We become partners with God through sex. Faith is on the higher end of sexuality more than procreation in the marriage. Sex is a spiritual discipline. Sexual pleasure is something morally and spiritually good and to be desired. God wants us to do it often. We are to pray to God for the amazing blessing and pleasure. It gives gratitude in our hearts towards God. Husband and wives are to be seen more than lovers. They are brothers and sisters in Christ. We definitely serve better now spiritually than we did in the beginning. It’s been a hard road, but we are doing better. I definitely see my husband more as a brother in Christ now too!
Sex in Christian marriage is of sanctified bodies. God is present through the Holy Spirit, bodies are coming together and celebrating in spirit of reverence and holiness. Godly Sex is marital sex and is both physical and spiritual experience. Sexuality in marriage involves emotional intimacy, companionship, family responsibility and permancy of relationbship. Sex is God’s way of calling us to connect with each other. It’s beyond sexual intimacy. Inside us is the holy temple of God, sex being a physical prayer and paints a picture of heavenly intimacy. I definitely respect my husband more this way now than I did when we started dating. I had the right idea in my head, but I didn’t service the way I should have back then.
Godly marriage is the view of beauty through internal qualities. You focus on one person. You become more holy and give what you have (one body). I fell in love with my husband (boyfriend at the time) because of who he is. His personality is what made me attracted to him more than physical appearance of his body. It’s the same reason why I married him. I love him for what he is and wanted to focused on only him for the rest of my life. He’s given me the chance to be more holy and share my body with only him. God had lend me to him and the glory still belongs to Him. He saved our marriage when we were in the darkest times. He lead us back where we should be as a couple and working in us to be more like Christ.