In J. Parker’s devotional, Intimacy Revealed: 52 Devotions to Enhance Sex In Marriage, she talks about conception and infertility. While conception is one of the most important functions in a marriage, there is more than that for our sexual intimacy.
J. Parker reminds us the following:
“Even before the children arrive, you two are family. You two are blessed. You two are fruitful in God’s eyes. The fruit you bear is spiritual fruit to one another as you approach your marriage and the marriage bed with kindness, goodness, gentleness, and joy. Yes it’s import that marriage produces children, but more important that they produce love” (Parker, 124).
That reminder is so good to take to heart. That your marriage starts with you and your husband (and will also end with you and your husband). That even if you have kids, they eventually leave the nest and it’s back to you guys. That you and your spouse are a family regardless of what happens.
I’ve been blessed to be able to conceive when I did. But it wasn’t always easy. I always struggled with the thought of not being able to conceive again after I went through unwanted abortion at 18 and dealing with birth control for the next few years until I felt ready that we could expand our family, being married at that point. And of course with the roller coaster in whether God would allow us to expand our family more while on this journey with stillbirth and miscarriage. So, sex wasn’t always easy and cherished while actively TTC. But I always made sure that there was love too. I think the hardest time was after losing Savannah Megan (SM) and it took almost a year to get Jackson (and we were this close to giving up and actually actively considering outside help). I think faith played a role too, and I wasn’t always going to Jesus during those times even though I knew it was all God’s hands all the way through. Having Jackson born though was although a huge saving grace to our marriage and especially within our marriage bed because we were in trouble and so much distance.
I’ve known people who have struggled with TTC… not being able to conceive at all, conceiving and then ending in miscarriage/stillborn, and having had to use outside help with ovulation, fertility drugs, and etc. It’s incredibly hard. But it’s all in God’s hands.
I also know people who choose to not to reproduce at all, even though they are married. Because they know they are still a family of two, and want to enjoy their marriage to the fullest together, and focus on other things together that they believe that wouldn’t help them if they had kids.
We have to remember to respect sex and enjoy your spouse more than the needs to reproduce. That we remember the pure beauty and holiness of sexual intimacy in marriage. That You and your spouse are close. Sex has brought us closer, especially when our marriage is solid, eyes on Jesus, and happy in all areas. That I celebrate our sexual intimacy every day. That I get to unwrap my husband and share me with him too! That he sees me in my nakedness in everything. That I’m transparent and open and honest and beautiful to him. That I’m his eye to Jesus and that I am his wife.