I am resuming my review on Love and Respect, a book by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. This blog post is based on and for wives. Husbands were able to read along in the book, but it was generally geared at wives.
Emerson says that CHAIRS is spelling respect to husbands. CHAIRS means Conquest, Hierarchy, Authority, Insight, Relationship, and Sexuality (184). This is the energizing cycle for women to be on towards their husbands.
It is said in Proverbs 14:1, that a wise woman builds her house. But a foolish woman tears her down. It is stressed in Ephesians 5:33 that the wife must respect her husband. Peter 3:1-2 shares that wives, be submissive to your own husbands…as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. It is important to tell and show your husband that you respect them and why. Men need respect more than love.
In giving Conquest respect, it means appreciating their desire in work and achievement (193). Emerson says that we wives are to be a helpmeet to them. We are to be thankful that they are working and giving us the opportunity to go to work ourselves or be able to stay home and be with our children. The husbands really want their wives to believe in them (201). Husbands feel appreciated when we value their work efforts, invest in our faith in them in their work, listening to work stories, allowing him to dream and not downgrading him.
Hierarchy respect is all about their desire to protect and provide for their wives and family (205). Wives are submissive to their husbands like the church. The husband is seen as the head of their wife just like Christ is the head of the Church. It is shared in Proverbs 10:19 that but those who control their tongues are wise. Men feel appreciated when you share your admiration for protecting and willing to die for us ( just as Christ did for us).
Authority respect means appreciating their desire to serve and lead. God wants all of our decision to obey Him. It’s proven in Ephesians 5:21 that submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. We are to tell our husbands that they are 51% in charge. They will feel appreciated in this when we express our thanks in his strength, supporting him as a leader, praising his good decisions, being gracious when a bad decision is made, disagreeing with him in private and not in front of the kids, reasoning quietly,
Insight respect is their desire to analyze and counsel. Its stressed in Proverbs 3:7 that don’t be wise in your own eyes. Both spouses need each other. We are to thank him for his advice. We are to tell our husbands when we just want him to listen and not do anything else.
Relationship respect is for his desire to have shoulder to shoulder friendship. We are to be patient when our husbands want to sit with them. Men just feel close when we are there. It can be just watching TV or doing an sport activity or something else. There doesn’t have to be any talking. They see this when we like them and show it and encouraging him to spend time alone and respecting his friendships.
Sexuality Respect is about appreciating their desire for sexual intimacy. Emerson said that “sex is symbolic of his deeper need which is respect” (250). Men are visual. They need sexual release just as much as we wives need emotional release. (258). Our breasts are to satisfy our husbands at all times. It’s basically that the more we respect and admire our own husbands in general, the more they are willing to be sexually intimate with us. They appreciate his when we respond to him sexually.