Okay, here I am back with more tidbits from the book I have been reading which is Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. I only read part of Part II which was actually focused on and for husbands/men but wives could read through it if they wanted to.
Emerson says to be on the energizing cycle for husbands to be towards wives is to follow through on COUPLE. Couple means Closeness, Openness, Understanding, Peacemaking, Loyalty and Esteem.
In Proverbs 12:15, Emerson says in order to decode correctly, be “a wise man.. who listen to counsel“. He believes that you shouldn’t always let what you see, hear and seem to feel determine how you will interpret a situation (120). Energizing your wife is the answer. Husbands are asked to be a man of honor. Adjusting their blue looks to allow some pink in. To allow love in.
Emerson says it takes guts to say I’m sorry and will you forgive me. It’s being a godly man. The heart focus of a husband is to be a lover “who sticks closer than a brother“. This is found in Proverbs 18:24. A degree of tension in a marriage is good thing. It makes the relationship function well. It’s the middle zone between involvement and independence. We are to treat our spouses the same way we want to be treated (and this is for both husband and wives). There are many things you can do to feel close to your wife like holding hands, hugging, non-sexual affections, being alone with her, etc.
It is mentioned in Songs of Solomon 5:2 that “my darling, my very own, my flawless dove, open the door for me!”. Well it’s a gentlemen gesture to open actual doors for the ladies, but if you look deeper, it means to really be open and honest to your wife. It matters to them that you keep them in the loop. Being open is sharing feelings, your day, your difficulties and praying.
Being understanding means that you are to listen and not try to fix problems. Make the most of your time. It’s found in the bible specifically James 1:19 that you are to be “quick to listen, slow to speak.” Understanding love is listening, identifying feelings, appreciate openness, praying
Peacemaking means giving gentle loving answers. It is also about apologizing, forgiving, compromising and praying
Proverbs 5:15 says “drink your water from your own well” means be faithful to your wife. Also in Songs of Solomon 8:6 is “keep me close to yourself like the ring on your finger. It is a sign of loyalty. This goes for wives too!) We all (both husbands and wives) are to honor marriage. We are to keep the marriage bed pure. To share more loyalty love can be done in speaking highly, being involved with her, help with decision-making, not looking lustfully at other woman, being positive to her.
Esteem is to honor and cherish. Us wives are the church figure. You are to thank her for all she does and that is good. It’s found in Proverbs 5:18 that you are to “rejoice in the wife of your youth”.