It’s hard but it is important that when in conflict with your spouse that you don’t see them against you. Marriage is about team US. That is oneness. Men and Women who are married are one flesh.
Sheila in her book, Nine Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage says “When we choose to step outside of ourselves and recognize that the other person in front of us is our ally, we can halt that chemical reaction and stop the “fight or flight” response. ” (144).
God is to be at the center of your marriage always. Even in conflicts. So prayer is recommended and effective use of method. We can ask Him to help both of us see clearly. Your spouse isn’t the problem. So when you see that, then you both can center in a problem-solving mode which is so much better than attacking each other. You can still share your unmet needs and decide whose needs sorted out first. Then figure out a happy medium that works for both of you.
My husband and I definitely aim for this route when we come into a situation. Because we want the other to be happy too. There are times that we are tempted to let our emotions overcome us. When that happens, then we have to confess our sin and ask to forgive each other and then problem-solve together. Marriage is always about coming together, and being together. We are God’s unity in love.