In a marriage, it’s good to be a peacemaker and it’s okay to have conflicts. God tells us in Psalm 34:14, “Seek Peace and pursue it”. Pursuing peace means working through a situation until you both are united with God. God is all for oneness. Conflict is good though because you will be out of your norm and grow more understanding and love for each other, especially once you have worked through it. Working through conflicts can help rebuild intimacy, trust, and closeness. Conflict doesn’t have to involve yelling and any other bad indicators.
Sheila says in her book, Nine Thoughts that Can Change Your Marriage “that clash of ideas and perspectives helps refine us, and that’s why conflict can actually be a blessing in your marriage. If you both always agree, then there is no “iron sharpening iron” (124).
My husband and I don’t always agree on everything. We see things in different ways/views. So yes, we do have conflicts there and there. Big and small things. But we do aim for reconciliation. We try to put the other’s well being first especially spiritually too. We can’t always seek peace alone. Especially in more serious sinful situations. We can get the help of God, and other mentors that we can trust and step in.
It’s not good to hold things back and keep it bottled up. You can respond to your spouse in more of a gentler way. Here’s a mainstream example, using porn hurts our marriage. Because we aren’t honoring each other and our bodies. Being truthful is being accountable and transparent. Usually with porn, there is a much deeper issue beyond porn. Lack of sex drive or a past abuse or something else. I want us to heal and regain intimacy. Be willing to go deeper in your heart and be encourager to rebuild that person’s trust and intimacy.
Peacemaking also involves having a gracious tongue. You can pray to God. Ask for wisdom in words in proceeding to share your thoughts. We aren’t perfect. Sometimes we fail and raise our voice or say things that aren’t honoring the other person and God too. We also need to be able to forgive and join as one. God loves us when we are united. Some things may not always be worked out right away. Some things do take time for marriage and other things to be rebuilt. That’s where faith and patience come in. There is always room for growth as a person, and as a couple. God is to be the center of us, in everything. Keeping us united at all times, good and bad.