I got this book, The Unveiled Wife by Jennifer Smith for my birthday (at the end of June). This book is all about embracing intimacy with God and your husband. Jennifer basically unveils herself as she shares her relationship with Aaron as friends, bf/gf, engagement, and finally as a married couple. Jennifer runs a blog over at http://www.unveiledwife.com. She is married to Aaron for 8 years and they have one boy and one girl. One of their biggest marital struggles has been sex. They didn’t fully consummate sex for the first 4 years of their marriage. Jennifer would have pain every time they tried. There are other issues as well.
Anyway, throughout the course of the book, Jennifer includes unveiled questions at the end of each chapter of her journey. I have not completed the book yet, but I feel compelled to share some of my answers to her “Behind the Veil” questions.
Divorce was never on my mind up until that heartbreaking talk that my husband and I had two years ago. But there were many times in the past throughout our relationship if we were strong enough to stay together. We were acting roommates for a large portion of our marriage and relationship. My husband had mentioned the “D” word when he wanted to talk to me about my infidelity. He had been planning and thinking about divorcing me not long after I would give birth to Jackson. It broke my heart. I still really loved my husband. So I unveiled everything that he asked about my infidelity. He decided that he still really loved me (as we had made love prior to the talk) and was really opening his heart again. We decided that we both would change and do everything in our power (and include God) to make us work again. It’s been two years. Our entire marriage has transformed for the better good. We are very much in love with each other more than we ever have in the past, we are more loving and respectful of each other now, we both put 100% into the marriage every day. IT is our prayer that we stay fierce to each other for all of the days of our lives. Absolutely, we aren’t perfect and we will fail from time to time, but we bounce back with the help of God.
Trust was a huge stressor in our marriage. Its one of the many reasons why our marriage wasn’t solid for a long time. But that has since changed for the last two years. We absolutely trust each other now. We have more faith and encouragement for each other. In order for us to stay married, we have to be openly honest with each other day in and day out with everything, and keep being unveiled to Christ too. We continue to shape each other as we journey on in this life together.
Boundaries. We didn’t establish whole lot early on in our dating days. We were still both very physical and emotional with each other. We kissed before we even became official. We waited almost a month before we had sex with each other. He was a virgin, I wasn’t. We were alone a lot though. We didn’t have a whole lot of group dates or get together with other people early on. We did after about 2 years into the relationship, but still not as often. We do now, though even though we’ve been married for 9 years. I do think though it probably would have strengthened our relationship had we been doing more group outings together early on though.
Emotional happiness. My husband can’t always make me happy. I cry from time to time because of him but it isn’t on purpose. We’re humans. We say stuff that we don’t necessary mean but was said in the heat of the moment. Husbands can’t do everything for us or save us from everything. We have to rely on God to supply us with love, satisfaction and happiness. I can only be happy within myself and same for my husband.
We have been transparent with each other especially with pornography and masturbation especially within the last two years. Both my husband and I have been exposed to pornography before we became romantically involved with each other. My husband was exposed to it at a young age, and I was exposed to it in my teens. My husband also has masturbated since he was young, and I only started in my late teens. The connection with both pornography and masturbation was the hunger for it. Because we were exposed to it before our relationship and marriage, the brain was wired to it. My husband used to it a lot before dating me and before we married. I was the occasional one to pornography and masturbation until I got pregnant with Noah and then that changed. It is a real struggle to come away from it, both of us. Because the real pleasure is found through sex, actual intercourse within both of us. Marital sex gives not only physical joy but also emotional connection which is way more deeper. You don’t have that satisfaction with pornography or solo masturbation. Simply just a quick fix We are a work in a progress still with both pornography and masturbation. It is better all the time that we invest in all of our sexual hunger towards each other. It takes a lot of brain re-wiring and patience and faith. We have prayed in this area about it. Our intimacy through sex has been so much better for the last two years, absolutely, because our marriage has re-solidified itself. IT does take work in all of the areas as a couple and as individuals.