Absolutely, marriage should be more important than sex. Sex of course is important, but still leads a small role in it. Marriage is because of God. It is to be a Christ-centered one. He is the one who has blessed us the unity to do so. God witnessed our marriage 9 years ago in May of 2006.
Now, we did engage in premarital sex. It was early on in our relationship as girlfriend and boyfriend. About a month into the relationship. Surely, I can confess that sex was definitely one of the issues that we would disagree about a lot. I was already exploring sex before I started dating my man. Sex issues of course still continued to be one of the big issues in our engagement period, living together and marriage. I have unveiled in the past that I generally enjoy sex and have a high sex drive, but I have my own struggles with it as my husband is the opposite. Enough said. Sex itself can be a struggle, but it doesn’t have to be. You learn to roll with it. You learn to appreciate sex for what it brings to your marriage.
Sex is to glorify God though too, because it is intended to be good, holy and beautiful in marriage. So I have prayed a lot in this area about it. Because sex is so much beyond the physical pleasure. I yearn for a deeper connection with my husband through this way of intimacy. Sex is also a blessing from God. I give this man who I love and am in love with of my heart, body, and soul. This kind of emotional, spiritual and physical intimacy all in one can’t be shared with anyone else other than your spouse. I yearn to give all of my love. My joy and happiness. I am devoted to my husband for life. I am to celebrate sex within our marriage with him. Our sex is making love in the eyes of God. I celebrate that I get to have his body within me. That we are connected as one.
My husband has the key to my heart, and my heart is so much more important to him than sex. My heart contains the eye of the beholder. It hold my soul. The rawness of me. My heart has everything that my husband needs. He needs to know that I love him. That I am present for him. That I can be his comfort, his safety, his happiness, his success, his encourager, his wife, his best friend, his lover. That I want him more than life itself. My husband is my home. I have to make that home healthy, beautiful, inviting and warm for him. I want to be his fire. Sex is the cherry on the top in our marriage.
We have been together 14 years as lovers. 9 years out of that 14 years being married. We have really come together in the last 2 years. We have really realized what marriage really is. That we have to make it a priority more than anything else. More than sex, kids, and the like. We are each other’s survival for everything. Our marriage has become more healthy and beautiful while it is still messy at times (and always will be). We have learned to actively fight for US every day. To choose to love each other day in and day out for all of the days of our lives no matter what, even on the days when sex doesn’t feel amazing or we don’t simply feel amazing in general.
It is hard and messy. We have hard days. We have moments where past things can reappear in words during a fight, and hurt one another. But as long you overcome things together kindly, graciously, loving and allowing God to help you get through it too, it can be better. We have days where we think, am I a bad wife/husband, and let Satan win….. and that’s not good. As long the communication line is open with one another, we can succeed. My husband and I continue to be fierce together. I had tears the other day and it was hard but I told him. I am much better today. Struggles is where we find our strength and be fiercely stronger because of it. I am not perfect and neither is my husband.
Intimacy is found more in other places, not just sex. I am always hungry for my husband. I yearn for time with him. I desire him. I crave him. Marriage is especially harder with kids in the picture, but we fight to stay together for US. To stay in this unity that “we still do“. Marriage is so important to us. It was unveiled to us big time 2 years ago. We hold close to our hearts. I am being real with myself, with my husband and with God. I love that I am still intimately close with my husband, no matter where we are today with sex. Sex doesn’t define our marriage. I love my husband. I love being his wife. I am reminded daily of the good that my husband does for me, all the beautiful moments that we have shared together (and crave more of that),and why I fell in love with him. I want to repeat what I originally shared in my post this past January in regards to Jennifer Smith’s book devotional: Wife After God. It explains true intimacy in marriage from God.
“God’s purpose for marriage is for a husband and wife to experience a love relationship, where they passionately pursue each other daily, where the ups and downs draw them closer together, a place where true intimacy thrives” (Smith, 131).