Another insight from Team US: Marriage Together by Ashleigh Slater. One provoking question from Chapter 2 that I want to share on here, and I also challenged my husband with this:
When you got married, did you realize marriage would require change? What took you by surprise? Chat about habits that you thought would die quickly but haven’t.
Ashleigh talked about her husband in Chapter 2 in terms of work schedule before he married her and into the marriage. He would go into work late and come home late (both single and married). He had a flexible schedule and his boss didn’t care when he worked. It didn’t change right away to adapt to their marriage. It stayed almost the same for a long time. Affected their time together and dinner was especially important to Ashleigh. Eventually, they talked about it truly to depth and came into the middle, but it took time for that change to take place. They are at a happy medium now with that area of their marriage.
My husband’s response to that question is that he did not think that marriage would require change. Our attitudes towards each other. Never thought about habits that would die. He said maybe when I was at home with our oldest, Logan and not cleaning much. I do admit that I was lazy at the time and was very much only focused on Logan. He was thinking that habit would change. It did change though. Eventually. I admit, it took a while to come away from that. To invest more into cleaning the house (and carrying for our kids at the same time) and more.
My own response to the said question is that the change I knew would happen for me was going from being single to married. I was the first out of a lot of friends to marry. I married young at 22. Most of them didn’t marry until later on, and even some are still single to this day. But I didn’t know how much change would take place in marriage for all the different things. I wanted to know what Isaiah was like while living together before we were married. It was that important to me that we would live together, for at least a year before the wedding (I actually wanted longer, but it is what it is). We were already sexually active before that happened, so even I knew that I didn’t want to wait until we were married to live together. Sure, I love waking up and going to bed with him. I wanted to KNOW him more of what he is like on a daily basis prior to saying I do’s. I did learn more about Isaiah. But I didn’t realize that we would continue to learn more about each other beyond the wedding day and how it would affect us in all the different areas of our life together being actually married. It’s an ongoing journey.
Almost 9 years married later (as of May), we are still changing as individually and as a couple. Some habits have died. Some have formed anew. My husband and I are closer and deeper in love than before for the better. We are more understanding and respecting everything we do and it is more towards Christ too. We will never stop changing. It’s just part of life and marriage. We grow more Christ-like every day. That is the Lord’s goal in our lives. That we learn to be like Him, especially in marriage. Marriage is the Lord’s love story.