I will admit that I first learned about 50 Shades of Grey through my March Mamas’ 09 group on FB around March 2012. Group of mommies that had babies that were born in 2009 (originally met through WTE, What to Expect, online board). These mommies were talking about the book. I became interested. I hadn’t read a book in a long time prior to 2012. Now, I had just miscarried SM early in January of that year and we were resuming TTC one last time to get a healthy addition to our family. TTC was stressful. My husband and I were still in that rut in our marriage where love and distance was off and on. Our sex life remained vanilla at the time. I wasn’t being faithful to our marriage. Hence, my infidelity was still happening. I remember talking bout the book with the anonymous guy. Come summer, especially in August. I was very desperate with TTC and doing what I can to enjoy sex with my husband. I do know that reading 50 Shades of Grey did help with my libido and it probably helped us conceive Jackson. Jackson was conceived during Labor Day 2012. We did have 2 weekends in a row of “dating” each other, and I was very much into my husband at the time. I loved our beach time, and just reconnecting and TTCing for Jackson the last two weekends of August. It was one of our most memorable times in love that I do remember with my husband prior to 2013 (where things did eventually did get even more serious and truly changed from worse to better)
However, a month prior to Jackson’s arrival in 2013, my infidelity was revealed and after some serious dark distance, we began to slowly rebuild our marriage, and our intimacy with each other. My husband’s love through sex was truly felt the night we had the talk and we communicated more what we wanted in our marriage in all aspects. We began to build renewed trust, faith and more into each other physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and sexually. We did finally go beyond vanilla. We did try out a few things. I will say that it is more intense, fierce and amazing. Now, not every time is all fireworks, but it definitely has been a lot better than it was in the past. Because there is true intimacy. We fully are devoted to each other. Giving our hearts, body and mind to each other. We communicate more what we want, need and try to submit to each other equally.
50 Shades of Grey does have BDSM in it, and it has sparked so much mixed opinions especially how it has turned into a major motion picture (based on book 1). But the trilogy goes beyond that world of sex. There is intimacy. Anastasia and Christian work through each other with everything. Yes, Christian at first uses sex to give control that he needs and it’s fulfilled through BDSM. But Anastasia eventually gets through him that sex isn’t the only way. Communication is so important and vanilla sex can be good as well too. IF you read the trilogy, you will see that the pair of them do get married and get pregnant. A lot of people are focusing so much how Christian uses sex on Anastasia that they don’t see past beyond their sexual relationship.
Anyway, while I know 50 Shades is mainly mommy porn. But you have to remember that there are so much more variety of porn available online and it is very easily readily available to both men and women with just a click away. IT wasn’t as main stream in the older generations……. before the internet was born. Playboy and VHS porn in adult stores? Ring a bell? I did picture the scenes with Christian when I first read the trilogy so it did increase my drive. I received satisfaction that I wasn’t getting fully with my husband. However, I knew which ones really, that I would be comfortable in real life if I were to practice any of it with my husband later on after Jackson’s pregnancy. I am in addition reading another trilogy which is similar to 50 Shades of Grey. The Crossfire series. I just finished the latest installment. This one now since my marriage is a lot better with my husband, I only picture the scenes with my husband (when reading the book and when I am actually with my husband) and I go to only my husband when I do crave sexual intimacy. I communicate my needs and wants whatever it is desired at the time. God did make sex to be amazing in marriage. We have been working at it individually and as a couple since 2013.
I am seeing the movie version of 50 Shades of Grey with my husband on Saturday as it is part of our Valentine’s Day celebration. Mostly I am just curious to see how close it is actually portrayed to the book. I have the best thing in my husband. I don’t desire anyone else anymore for anything. I have my own Christian Grey in my husband (in some aspects) but I love my husband to the core of my heart, my mind and soul. I love our marriage so much that I fiercely give all of me to him every day. I enjoy making love with him. I enjoy spending time with my husband. I cherish our conversations in person and when we are apart. We are doing more things together. We open to each other every day. More out of the box with different things, not just sex together. We will always have our ups and downs but we are equally in this together to ride life to the fullest with love and joy. You don’t always need erotica or porn to have an amazing sexual intimacy with your special someone. I have true intimacy with my husband in all aspects of our relationship, marriage and friendship. He is my best friend, soul mate and lover. I vow to be HIS each and every day of his life. I love you, Isaiah! I have more trust and faith in him for all that he does for me, and for our marriage. We are more united as one flesh. Our marriage is more fiercely beautiful now than it was in the beginning. I love being married to my husband, Isaiah!