I’ve recently read this amazing book, Messy Beautiful Love by Darlene Schacht. I also follow her on Facebook through her Time Warp Wife page and she also blogs on her own website Time Warp Wife. I connect to her book so close to heart, because I’ve been through similar things.
I found the beauty and the power of Grace through my husband especially last spring. We had our most fiery trial April 2013. I had been through a really rough distance from my husband for two solid weeks. I had an idea of why it was happening as it had to do with my infidelity. So I had left it up to him to talk to me about it but I didn’t know what was really going to happen. I really felt like we were done and we were actually really close to it. That’s how bad it really was.
My husband told me he was actually planning to divorce me shortly after Jackson’s birth (I was a month away from delivering him) but he had a change of heart the night that we actually talked about what was going on (after making love). He realized that he still really loved me and wanted to stay with me. We talked and talked and talked. It was a very emotional night but it had really opened our eyes that our marriage was really in crumbles. We had been through many hurdles together but this is really the most difficult one that we have been through. We opened up to each other so much, more than we had ever been in a long time that night. It was like wow. It was definitely life-changing for us. We still loved each other, but were falling out of love, so with that talk, we were slowly falling back in love, and as many months went by, it got stronger, and deeper. We continue to work on US daily. That is the power of grace and beauty.
We needed to change. We needed to work on the marriage together. It was no longer 50-50. It needed to be 100% into it from both of us. We needed to see each other in the goods, not in the bad. We were at fault in being in the negatives for so long because there were so many feisty things happening to each other and it blinded us in what we should actually be doing together and for each other.
We know that God had brought us together in the beginning because we are meant for each other. We needed to honor that. We need to love each other unconditionally just as God does. Now, throughout our relationship and marriage, we love each other despite our flaws and sins, but we now do truly to the heart and embrace every day that we are together. This is one of the ways that I love of my husband. That he loves me regardless of my flaws and sins. He now sees that I am constantly trying to better myself all the time. We are both fully dedicated to our marriage. That we put US first before anything else.
“True love, the way God intended it to be, is more than a feeling and much more than two words. It’s holding hands as you walk through the fire. It’s being patient and kind when everything inside of you tells you that this man deserves the wrath of your anger. It’s offering grace and forgiveness in the face of despair” (33).
We are definitely finding that we are much slower to anger and quicker to listen these days now to each other. We are definitely holding hands more often now. Like truly into it unconditionally with and for each other.
Both of our hearts are now filled with compassion and grace. We look at each other and walk in the road together every day. We hold hands. We remember that we both are on the same team. I seek joy and peace from the Lord so that I can do the same for my husband. Even though the difficult two week distance at first pulled us apart more but after truly opening up to each other afterwards has drawn us closer than ever before. We are constantly growing and changing for the better every day. Individually and as a couple. We seize our marriage to the fullest now. We truly love, honor and respect each other every day in everything we do.
Darlene says in her book that her father had said “God doesn’t care about what you did yesterday. He is concerned about what you’ll do today”. I apply to this as I am to love my husband as I love God. I see my husband as God. I look for the best and hope for the best in my husband. I ask God to equip me to be the best wife that my husband needs me to be.
“The husband is the head of the wife, ever as Christ is the head of the Church; and he is the savoir of the body” (10).
So I am to fully submit to him as his wife, his help-meet, his friend, his lover, his soul mate, etc. I give my husband of my heart, my body, my mind and my life.
There are many times that I feel like a failure and I felt a lot of that in the past throughout our relationship and marriage. I wasn’t good enough of a girlfriend, fiancé, wife, lover, help-meet etc. I still stumble to that today, but not as often as before. I pray to God daily to help me find joy in myself, my husband and our marriage, and our children. I want to communicate my blessings to Him and my husband. I can and do better myself daily. I feel that I grow a little bit more every day. I will never be perfect and neither will my husband, but as long we support and grow in love together, we can survive in Christ. I want to bring joy and love to our relationship, friendship and marriage and into the home. I lift my husband up. I am blessed daily that I still have him in my life. He knows me better than anyone. He supports and greets me with love. I find that I grow closer and deeper in love with him. I submit to him as I would submit to God. I love that I am proud to be a wife to Isaiah 🙂 I am definitely much happier woman, wife, and mother these days. I feel full of love every day. I cherish every day that I spend with my husband! We are definitely truly more best friends now too! 🙂