Being that I grew up Catholic all my life. Sex was not usually brought up in our household. My parents assumed that I would wait until I was married to have sex. Because that is what is expected in the eyes of the Church and God.
But I got curious when I started high school. I got my period when I was 14. I would become aware of my body. My hormones. They would go nuts. I found myself insane. I would have vivid sex dreams of boy crushes that I had at school or even celebrities that I idolized. It was like out of my control. But I still saved myself……
When I was 17, I started dating. I started out voicing that I wouldn’t have sex until I was married, but I didn’t remain pure…… I was still curious! I would do other physical things, and when I was more closer to 18….. that this decision wasn’t me. I was sexually active many ways. Just not the actual deed. After returning from a family cruise trip and was still dating my ex-boyfriend, I decided that the decision was ultimately mine. That the choice to have sex. I was physically, and emotionally ready. It was consensual. I prepared myself for the consequences afterwards which it did lead to a break up after as the relationship with the ex was purely physical and there wasn’t love, but we did end up being FWB for a couple months. Sex was just SEX. There wasn’t really an emotional ties to it. But I did enjoy it and didn’t regret it the decision overall. My ex was however the wrong guy as I learned later on.
I did experiment with sex more after my ex with someone else, a guy friend. One night stand. If you like to call it.
My view on sex changed when i started dating my husband….. The first time we did it, after like a month of dating, was amazing. Because sex became into making love. Not only emotional and physical ties were involved, but spiritually was in it as well. My husband was a virgin. I felt like this was meant to be. That is love. I went into the heavens for the first time with him. I was still 17 at the time, I was like a couple weeks from being 18 though. My husband was 18 at the time. We knew by this point though, that we were meant to be together for life. Although we didn’t marry for another 5 years.
I would chat and chat about virginity and sex after the fact, months after, on a teen website. I was really passionate. That you really don’t have to wait until you are married to have sex, but stressed that it IS better that it happens when you are in a relationship and that you truly love your significant other. You truly have to love yourself and your body before you are able to open up to someone else. To share your body, heart, mind and soul. It is very precious and worthy. It’s more than just the physical act. It’s more of the heart.
So sex is truly pure when you are truly in love with someone and is potentially the person that you would spend the rest of your life with. I love sharing this special gift with my husband. I feel really honored that he gave me his virginity and I wished I gave him mine too, not to my ex. We have gone through many seasons of our life together and sex with us has changed over the course of our 13.5 years together. There were many occasions of falling in love and out of love with each other, and that also went with sex. A lot of the times, we stopped trying to care…not pour love into everything.
I truly felt like that heavenly amazing again when my husband re-opened his heart fully to me last year, when we were like this close to divorce and decided to give US a another chance. He realized that there is still LOVE. So The LOVE was back. We chose to protect each other. In our marriage. To Serve each other. Love and Honor as it should be as a wife and husband. We care more than just the physical act once again, that it is centered at the heart too. We enjoy each other again in all aspects of our relationship and marriage, and sex still thrives amazing.
We do still have moments where sex is just sex, as the mind and the heart don’t always connect together… where you may want it emotionally but physically it’s not there, or it is the other way around. I do stress that it is mostly making love with US. I do strive for it to be beyond physical all the time though.
I focus on and at my husband as there is UNITY during the special time. I give ME to HIM. Spirit guides me as to how I do that, physically, emotionally and mentally. It is so much heavenly when the mind, heart, and soul mesh together at the same time on the same level.
I have always been a sexual being looking back on my life. God created US as sexual beings. Sex is to be a wonderful and beautiful and warm and inviting. Especially when LOVE is in the picture. I enjoy sharing this pleasure with my husband from the heart the most, because that’s where I feel it the most. I can never get enough of my husband. I cherish him so much. He is MINE and I am HIS. We are each other’s best friends. Not just as lovers, spouse and parents. I can say that sex is and can be better when you are married as well. 🙂