Courtship verses Dating

I have been watching the show “19 Kids and Counting” for the past few years off and on which famously shows the Duggar Family.  Courtship seems to be the main season for this year for the Duggars.  

What is courtship?  Basically, it is two people who get to know each other in a platonic setting and see if they are marriage material in a godly sense.  There are physical boundaries.  Basically, the common goal is to remain truly pure until marriage:  kissing, sex, and the like.  They don’t spend time together alone. There is always someone chaperoning, usually the parents or other adults.   

While I love seeing how this method of courtship is portrayed in the Duggar family,  I know that I could never do that.   I am one of those individuals that crave physical touch: whether it is holding hands, hugging, kissing, and etc.   I believe that all aspects of a relationship needs to be explored prior to marriage.   But that is just me. I know people who have not necessarily done a “courtship” but did save themselves until marriage when it came to sex with their spouse.  I also know many who went with the norm version which is dating.  Doing what you want with the person involved, regardless if it was a casual or a romantic relationship.

I did date a few guys and wasn’t pure in my late teens.   But dating allowed me to eventually find the one that I would marry.   My husband and I were friends for almost a  year before dating, then dated for 3 years before getting engaged and then tying the knot the following two years.   We chose to live together the year before we got married.   My husband says he fell in love with me the day that I grabbed his hand and kissed him the same day.   I fell in love with him a week later in Grand Bend.  

We always knew from the beginning that we were the one for each other.   God had destined us to be together.  We come from different backgrounds but it’s amazing how we came bound to connect as soul mates.   We have the same dreams and goals in life.  Family was a big one.   We got to know each other a lot during our dating phase.  A lot of the times, our deepest communication times would occur in the car rides somewhere.   Getting to know more of each other and growing together never stopped over the years.   It would increase as we moved in together and our talks would take place in many locations, and over the course of our marriage as well.   Even to this day, we are still learning more about each other and maturing together in our relationship.  

My husband is my rock.   He is there for me, in my good and bad times throughout all of our days.   There were hard times with different things and we would come out stronger every time as individual and as a couple.  We aren’t perfect by any means as a individual and as a couple, but we continue to strive to be better for each other, for ourselves and for our family.  God is the center of my life, marriage and my kids.   Do I think we would have “courted” rather than “dated”?  It might have saved some temptation on some things, but I love our love story.  It is beautiful and still is.   We continue to change and thrive daily together, and drawing God closer to our lives as a couple, and individually.   We are so blessed to be together as “one”. 

As for my kids,  it is up to them how they find their life partner, if they so choose to be united.   I would love it if they would at least stay pure with sex until they find the person that they are truly serious about and would potentially marry.  

Sexual relations is so much more beautiful and emotionally connected when it is in a romantic relationship.  I found that out with my husband.  I respect him so much for that, even though his saving wasn’t really by choice. It just happened to be that way.  I love that part about him.  My husband used to say that our love making was his favorite way to show his love for me.   It is still that way, but it is much more shared deeply now with other physical and emotional ways as well.  Helping me out with the house, our kids,  sensual touch,  surprises and so much more. 

I would love for us to be involved in our kids’ relationships when they occur (when they are much older of course), but I wouldn’t go as far as being chaperone in their relationship or dates. I would have us trust them in making decision in what it is right for them and hope that it brings true happiness for them.  We have to trust that we raise our boys as right as possibly can and allow God to guide their desires. 


About jewellove30

Married since 2006, in love since 2001. Have three boys and two angel babies.
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